Paradoxical Parodies
by quote intangible
Summary: After being rushed to the hospital, Carlos finds out he's about to give birth. In all honesty, it's a Carlos mpreg, enough said. Written for the BTR kink meme. Slash, Logan/Carlos, Kendall/James


Okay, this was meant to be a parody when I originally wrote it, but then I kind of liked it... alot, and it turned into a cute and fluffy oneshot. This also, is not my best work, but I really don't have any time to fix it, so I decided to go ahead and post it anyways. I think this might be my first story since _The Way We Are_ that doesn't have James' angst in it.

And since I have not seen a Carlos Mpreg before I'm gonna go ahead and call...FIRST! If anyone watches Tosh.0 you will totally understand what I am talking about right now. If there is a Carlos mpreg written before this, well then I'm sorry, and I stand corrected and I will change this.

**Based on this livejournal prompt:** _I discovered that in fact, there is a show dedicated to the stories of women who didn't know they were pregnant. Now, I have a craving for BTR mpreg in the I Didn't Know I was Pregnant style._

_Basically like it sounds. Carlos didn't know he was pregnant until, well, there was a baby coming out of him. Needless to say he was very surprised._

_Pairing can be Carlos/anyone(well, not Gustavo or Bitters, 'cause no)_

**Warning**: Slash, Mpreg

**Pairings**: Carlos/Logan, Kendall/James

* * *

"You know, you're getting kind of fat," James jokingly informs a chubby Carlos one morning.

For the last couple of months the young latino had steadily been gaining weight, stomach rounding out, cheeks becoming pudgy. It was just one of the many odd things that had been happening to Carlos, though. His diet had taken a turn for the worse from _weird, but yeah it's Carlos _to downright strange. The other day, Kendall caught Carlos eating pickles drenched in mint ice cream, fried chicken, and waffles at three o'clock in the morning. The blonde merely shook his head and walked away.

But the worst change in Carlos was his attitude. The teen used to be happy and carefree all the time. Now his moods changed rapidly. One second the teen would be energetically bouncing around the halls, the next moment he would be in tears because he saw a butterfly or a hallmark commercial. Most times Carlos broke down and didn't even have a reason.

Carlos was fighting more and more with his boyfriend, Logan, and everyone else in the house, as well, becoming downright nasty at times.

His snarky comments had Kendall seconds away from punching Carlos before storming out of the house, James in tears one day to the point he locked himself in the bathroom for _hours _before Kendall finally coaxed him out, and Logan so frustrated he nearly broke up with Carlos.

The brave teen even snapped at Mama Knight, who promptly reamed him out saying Carlos was being _a bitch _(words Logan never thought Mama Knight would ever say) and that _if she didn't know better she'd think Carlos was pregnant. _

They laughed it off. It was impossible really, and not once did the notion ever cross their minds that maybe Carlos really was pregnant.

"I know," the latino teen burst out into sobs, "I don't know why." James instantly looked alarmed. He hadn't wanted to make Carlos cry and it was a harmless comment that the normal Carlos would have laughed off. But this…_new _Carlos was nearly bawling.

"It's not that big of a deal, Carlos," James soothed the crying teen with a comforting hand on his shoulders. "Please don't cry."

"I'm okay. I'm okay," Carlos cried, taking deep breathes and trying to still his tears. Even Carlos knew how ridiculous he was being, but he just couldn't help himself. The shorter teen buried himself in James' arms when the beauty king offered him a hug.

When Carlos pulled away, he quickly wiped the tears from his eyes and smiled cheerfully.

"Hormonal much?" James teased.

"I know right?" Carlos says with a small smile.

"Are you sure you're okay, babe?" Logan asked. Truth be told, Carlos' behavior was starting to worry him.

"Yeah, no, I'm fine," his boyfriend insisted, but Logan wasn't convinced.

"Why don't you take a nap," he suggested, "you look exhausted."

Carlos nodded before awkwardly hobbling towards their bedroom. With concern in eyes, all Logan could do is watch him walk away.

* * *

It was two days later when the pain started. They were in the studio, recording a new song when a sharp pain hit his stomach like a solid punch. He doubled over, groaning at the feeling in his gut. It hurt so much, he didn't even notice Logan's hand on his back, or that the younger boy was speaking to him, until the pain gradually receded.

"Are you okay? What happened?" Logan immediately demanded.

"I don't know," Carlos gasped as the odd sensation faded completely. "I just suddenly got this sharp pain in my stomach, but it's gone now."

"Maybe we should go to the hospital," Logan absentmindedly chewed his lower lip in worry. It was adorable, but Carlos found himself getting angry.

"I'm fine," he snapped at his boyfriend, guilt assaulting him a second later when Logan's face fell, hurt flashing across his eyes. "I'm sorry," he amended.

"It's okay," Logan sighed, though it clearly wasn't. "If it happens again, though, we're definitely going."

Carlos really didn't think anything was wrong. He thought it was just some bad tacos, but nearly half hour after the first incident, Carlos found himself curled up on the floor in complete agony. His stomach suddenly cramped in intense pain, agony spiking across his entire abdomen in intense waves. Logan found him lying on the bathroom floor, nearly in tears from the torture his body was putting him through.

"That's it, we're going to the hospital," Logan insists and hauls him to his feet. Carlos does not protest, mostly because speaking requires more energy than he has at the moment. He's terrified that if he opens his mouth, he's going to puke all over his boyfriend. They're relationship has been shaky enough these last couple of months, mostly because of his mood swings, that Carlos doesn't need that hanging over his head as well.

The pain is starting to fade, leaving a dull ache, his muscles shaking in exertion. He leans heavily on Logan. When he nearly collapses, though, it is James that sweeps him up into his arms bridal style and carries him to the awaiting car.

Because it doesn't matter how much of an ass he's been, his friends will always love him.

* * *

"Congratulations," an enthusiastic doctor exclaims, "you're pregnant, Carlos."

After a short wait in the ER, he was admitted to the hospital. The Doctors ran a bunch of tests, and when the results came in, they ran a bunch more tests. Carlos was getting frustrated and pissy, which was putting his boyfriend in a foul mood, which was starting to annoy Kendall and James. The two youngest members of Big Time Rush had watched Carlos and Logan nearly destroy their relationship in the last four months and it was a little depressing and a little upsetting. The two had just started dating themselves and they prayed this never happened to their relationship.

"What!" Logan and Carlos yelled at the same time. They could hear violently coughing as James nearly choked on his water from the news.

"You're pregnant," the Doctor repeats, "and you're about to give birth."

He grabs the Doctor's lab coat and hanks him down so that his face is mere inches from him own. "I am a man!" Carlos yells at the Doctor. "Men don't have babies."

"Plenty of men have babies, Carlos," Kenadall interjects trying to calm the nearly hysterical latino.

"But they don't give birth to them!" Carlos yells at him. He's knows Kendall's not trying to be snarky, he's just trying to help. But Carlos' entire stomach is burning in agony and apparently he's about to push a baby of out God knows where, because he really hopes it's not his ass.

The whole room is in shock, the silence is tense. Logan's eyes are nearly bulging out of his head as he almost comically stares at the Carlos.

Light snickering suddenly breaks the silence. "Carlos is a girl!" James snickers and suddenly it's not so tense and awkward anymore.

"Shut up!" Carlos shouts and throws the pillow on his hospital bed at the taller boy who immediately ducks behind his boyfriend.

"Never would have thought Logan was the man in that relationship," Kendall grins stupidly at him. Logan sticks his tongue out at Kendall for the backhanded compliment. The horrified look on Logan's face has faded somewhat and James looks like he wants to burst out in laughter.

The Doctor pries Carlos' fingers from his lab coat, and stands back up. "We are going to review your case before we make a definitive decision, but we will most likely perform a C-section to deliver the baby. A nurse will be in shortly to start up an IV and get some pain medicine for you," he cheerfully told Carlos as if having a young, pregnant teenage boy in the ER was completely natural.

"I hate you all."

* * *

The Doctor still had not returned. The nurse came and left, but Carlos was insistent that the pain meds weren't actually working if the torment in his body was anything to judge by. He was currently between contractions as Logan called them, but they were getting closer together as the day progressed.

He was bored beyond belief. Logan was still in too much shock to do anything but stare blankly at the white walls. He may be the father, but Carlos was the one actually delivering the baby. If anyone deserved to be in shock it was Carlos. He surprised even himself with how quickly he had come to accept the situation. Once the initial surprise wore off, Carlos found he was kind of excited at the prospect of having a child.

The silence in his hospital room was starting to freak him out. Kendall alternated between pacing around the room, before sitting down with a huff, only to get up and start pacing again. Logan was completely spaced out and only James was providing marginal company. The younger boy held his hands during the contractions and tried his best to soothe Carlos and help him through the pain. But even James was eerily quite, their normal conversation lacking under the circumstances.

He was pregnant, for God's sake, he wasn't dieing. His friends reactions was wearing on his thin nerves even more so than the pain. He smirked as a wicked idea sprang to mind.

"You bastard you did this to me!" he points at James' and latches his hands onto the brunette's shirt.

"You slept with James!" "You slept with Carlos!" Kendall and Logan yell simultaneously. Kendall looks downright pissed which is very amusing to Carlos, while Logan looks just as lost and confused as he was ten seconds ago, but at least he was talking now. James just gives him a dirty look.

"First of all," James calmly replies and pries the older boy's fingers from his shirt, "no. There is no way in hell I am the father unless you raped me," James nonchalantly says and points his finger accusingly at Carlos. "Secondly, why is it that the first conclusion you both jumped to was that I sleept with Carlos?" he asks and glares at their two friends as they both look away guiltily. "And lastly, are you having another contraction?" he demands to know.

Carlos smiles brightly in return. "Nope, I just really wanted to do that."

"And that seemed like an appropriate time?" James asks.

"Or the appropriate person?" Kendall interjects angrily and possessively wraps his arms around his boyfriend's shoulder with a look that clearly says, 'he's mine, back off.'

"Trust me, you'll have plenty of opportunities for that, sweetheart," James pats his cheek lightly and smirks at him.

He's quickly forced to agree with James. "I hate you, I hate you so much for being right," he pants heavily to James just minutes later because his whole body is screaming in pain. He's squeezing James' hand so hard he's afraid he might break his fingers, but the younger teen has not complained once.

Carlos turns a dark angry glare towards Logan. "I hate you! You did this to me!" Logan glances worriedly at him, not entirely sure how seriously he should take Carlos' statement. "Get over here and hold my hand," he demands.

Logan hesitantly steps forward and collapses in a chair next to his bed. Immediately Carlos latches onto his hand, momentarily satisfied at the wince of pain that spreads across the brunette's face when he crushes their fingers together.

He grits his teeth in pain, trying his hardest not to cry because he is after all still a man, albeit a pregnant one.

"I'm sorry," Logan suddenly and quietly says, eyes downcast and face drawn. From the corner of his eye, Carlos sees Kendall nudge James.

"We're gonna go get some coffee," Kendall says before dragging his boyfriend out of the room.

Carlos turns his full attention to his own boyfriend. "I'm not," he finally responds.

"If I had known you were pregnant, I wouldn't have been so harsh with you these last couple of months," Logan guiltily says.

"Logan, honey, you couldn't have known. This doesn't happen to normal people. And as Mama Knight said, I was being quite a bitch," he tries to cheer up his boyfriend.

"But you couldn't help it."

"And now we know. Logan, look at me," he implores and wide brown eyes turn to stare shyly at him. "The last couple of months have been tough, but we made it through. I love you okay, and we're gonna get through this too."

Logan nods. "Yeah, we are," he agrees and finally offers a smile of his own.

The Doctor finally reappears. He explains a bunch of mumbo jumbo medical jargon that means nothing to him, but something to Logan. The ultimate result is that the Doctors are preparing him for a modified C-section surgery.

As another contraction spreads fire through his abdomen, Carlos can only respond with, "Good! Get it out!"

* * *

Carlos can't see past the sheet in front of his face, but by the look on Logan's face it can't be pretty. The raven haired teen is even paler than usual and he looks as if he's going to puke any second as he peaks at Carlos' stomach where the Doctors are cutting him open.

"Look away before you pass out, Logan, I need you," Carlos half jokes, half seriously demands of him.

"I can't," Logan is dead serious and looks thoroughly disgusted as he watches the surgery, completely mesmerized.

He doesn't know how long it takes, but before long his baby is being carried out of the room screaming at the top of its lungs, before he can even see it.

"How is…it?" he lamely asks the nurse when he is finally settled into his hospital room because no one has even told him if it is a girl or boy yet.

"_She_ is doing wonderfully," the kind nurse with gentle green eyes tells. He smiles in relief at the woman, as Logan squeezes his hand. "Would you like to see her?"

"Yes please," he timidly requests.

His child is brought in and placed gently on his sore stomach. She stares up at him with big brown, innocent eyes. She has Logan's eyes and he cannot help, but fall in love with those eyes.

"I'm a mommy," he whispers, because it's finally hitting him, finally settling in that he just had a baby. He doesn't know the first thing about children and they definitely were not prepared to accept one into their lives.

As Logan's eyes meet his, there's a smile on both of their faces and excitement in both of their eyes. This is _their _child, and they may not know what they are doing, but they can learn.

Because Carlos isn't giving his baby up for anything.


End file.
